(no subject)

I love you.
And not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends.
And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it. And it's not because you're unattainable.
I love you.
Very simple, very truly.
You're the epitome of every attribute and quality I've ever looked for in another person.
I know you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you'd ever consider.
But I had to say it. I can't take this anymore.
I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you.
I can't look into your eyes without feeling that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels.
I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are.
I know this will probably queer our friendship -no pun intended- but I had to say it, because I've never felt this before, and I like who I am because of it.
And if bringing it to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me.
But I could'nt allow another day to go by without getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down.
And I'll accept that.
But I know some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there is a moment of hesitiation, that means you feel something too.
All I ask is that you not dismiss that -at least for ten seconds- and try to dwell in it.
Alyssa, there is'nt another soul on this fucking planet who's ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it's there between you and me.
you can't deny that.
And even if we never speak again after tonight, please know that I'm forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me, which -while I do appreciate it-
I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of.

(no subject)

it smelled like summer today.

only 93 days or so. haha.

im completely indifferent to things right now.
i just want to act, sing, dance, listen, watch, read.
just be.
i don't want this stress, i want things to stop being complicated, i want people to stop being jerks.

i want things to be simple and innocent.

i dont know.

but what i DO know, is that people should break out into song and dance more. then life would be FANTASTIC.

dreams are all you have-dreams have held you back

what is it with being a teenager?

i suppose we're trying to find ourselves.

what came before.
what is coming.

i've guess i've done/wanted to the quintessential teenager things-cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, sex. just rebelling i guess.

we have too much pressure on us to be other things. to do things we shouldn't. to be unique, when really we're just conforming to every other rebel.

ugh. it all makes me sick.

to-do list:

prepare for the following midterms:
guitar?(just a review of shit.)

do the outline for history i never did that is causing me a C+. oops.

get tested for mono. (damn rachel and her seduction of ms. sheldon!)

finish scheduling.

plan a birthday party.

get organized.

convince my mom to let me have carson's old room.

etc. etc.

  • Current Music
    you've got my heart in a headlock=]

(no subject)

im so incredibly sick of being an adolescent. its just such an disgusting state of being. and im not saying im more mature or less of one than others at all and that makes me more sick. the whole "dating" thing is retarded. part of that is my jealousy of the people who have it, but a lot of it is the fact that it actually is idiotic. i mean teenagers have such serious problems making good decisions thats it sad. dont you have common sense? dont you have willpower? dont you have a conscience? dont you know ANYTHING?

obviously not.